RIP Pinky

Maurel Loann Domingo

My son. My Best Friend. My Personal Psychologist.

And now, My Angel. 

We only had a short time together. 

But I cherish every memory. 

Ha, especially Prom '08

That was so funny. He had be crackin up out there on the dance floor. 

All through Spanish class, 1st pd.

My junior year. 

He would talk to me for all 50 mins of that class during the first quarter of school that year. Because i was so painstakingly shy and he was determined to get me to open up. 

He was the guy that told me "Chell, if you ever let a guy hit it, he's not going to give a shit about your stretch marks" 

Of course he said that with his thick I-just-came-from-Africa-3-years-ago accent lol

I was so caught off guard. 

It doesnt matter that he was right lol

I loved that boy with my whole heart and soul

He was such a good soul too. So sweet and honest and innocent. He was an angel on this earth. 

We talked about religion. He was religious, Christian. 

And we'd talk about it, but he never forced it. 

I remember him and Shannon going at it, cause she is Morman lol

I remember having to call him to wake him up in the mornings, so he would get to school on time. And how, after a while of that, he finally was able to get up on his own and didnt need me and he would come to school and sit down before the bell rang and smile at me lol 

I was there for his graduation. 

And we still had a great bond when he went to NC for college. 

We'd talk all the time about what was goin on in my life, what was goin on in his life. We always counselled eachother on eachothers relationships. 

And then... In March.... The most crushing news ive ever gotten. I will never forget a single detail about this day...

You know, its Saint Patricks Day, Im up before the sun, gettin showered and dressed to go to school. Made sure i had all my green stuff on, grab my bag and go out the door. Head up the street and turn, headin towards the bus stop. About to cross the street and turn left and I see bright ass head lights in front of me and watch them as they turn into a near by parking space. Its then that my eyes adjust and i notice its Keenan's truck. I am very confused, because Keenan doesnt attend HS anymore, so he shouldnt even be awake at this hour. He gets out of the truck, but then i hear to more doors close. From the other side of the truck comes Josh (my bf at the time) and Natalie (my best girlfriend at the time). I take one look at Josh's face and immediately know something is very wrong. 

All three of them looked like they had been up all night. They just kept looking at me until i finally started to panic and Natalie grabbed my hands and looked me right in the face and said the classic line "you might wanna sit down"

"JUST TELL ME!"

"Maurel is dead"

.........................................................

"What?"

"he died last night"

*que mental break down*

I have never known pain so raw, so intense, so white hot I wanted to die too. 

I crumpled to the ground, sobbing and Nat tried to hold me up, but i didnt want to stand. Josh and Keenan coming to comfort me, but i pushed them away, needed to grieve alone. In the middle of the street, with the sun starting to rise. I do no know if the other kids at the bus stop saw me. And at the time, i didnt care. I was dying inside and i was trying to hold myself together. I dont know how long I sat curled up on the ground until i was finally somewhat stable enough to stand up again and ask what happened, when why and how. 

I was told he was playing basketball, and lost conscienceness. . They thought it was a heart attack.  I cried, in their arms, barely noticing the bus pass. I finally pulled myself a little more together to realize that I should go home. So Josh walked me to the door (this was after the first wave of drama with him) and Mom and Dad were awake, getting ready for their days, so they heard the door open. So by the time i got up the stairs and knocked on their door. Mom had looked out the window and seen Josh, so her first words when she opened the door her first words were "omg baby what did he do to you?"

lol

I just shook my head, still sobbing, tears pouring, and studdered out "n..n..no mom... he died, he died"

*que alarmed look on moms face*

"WHO??"

"M..M..Maurel"

Saying it, saying his name, brought another wave of white hot pain as i crumpled on their bed. Mom, who had met and spoken to Maurel on several occasions, and knew how much he meant to me, took it as a blow too. Though Im pretty sure it was more a grieving for my grief than really for her own. 

Dad just asked if this was my first brush with death. 

Well. Yea. 

The comforted me as best they could, and eventually i went to my room. Already telling them I couldnt go to school. Mostly because I didnt want to see all the other people grieving. And i certainly didnt want to see those people who werent that close to him at all grieving over someone they didnt know. I would have gone postal. 

I sat in my room, on the floor, writing a long ass letter to Maurel, and to God. No longer violently sobbing, but just the steady stream of tears pouring down my cheeks on to the computer. Mom checks on me periodically. 

After a while, i cant stand being alone so i go in the basement and just sit with her. By now ive stopped crying. Just feeling empty. 

I am texting Josh. Him, Keenan and Nat are still up the street, staying close for emotional support. Out of all of us, Maurel and I were closest. 

Mom told me i could invite them inside to be with me. So they came in and sat with me. We all talked and shared memories and stories we each had with Maurel. It was good to remember him in a good light. I couldnt help but stare at the sky... thinking... "I hope you are happy, up there, with God. You deserve it"

He had been through so much, and he was still so pure. I thought that must be why God took him. He had done what he needed to do on this earth, so God rewarded him by taking him home early. At the ripe young age of 19. 

That was back in March 2009

I grieved. We all grieved. I went back to school the next day, and the day after that, a bunch of us that were very very close with Maurel skipped 1st pd and met in the library. We talked about him, Tristan and another kid sang a song for him, bringing all of us to tears. We sat around and hugged eachother, exchanging stories. No one dared to move us. 

I thought i would want to die forever. But slowly, the pain recedes. 

Days, weeks months. It gets better, up until graduation. May... i wanna say 25th. 

It hits me that Maurel wont be there. While he was alive, he had promised me and several others that he'd attend our graduation. 

At first i wavered, saddened and now even more nervous. 

But as the graduation song started and my line started moving, i knew he was there. Im pretty sure hes why I didnt fall down the stairs (all like 80 some odd of them) 

I knew he was there. My Angel. 

Now, almost 2 years, 1 anniversary  and 2 of his birthdays later

I do not feel the same white hot pain. 

It is a dull ache. Nestled in my heart. Certain things remind me of him. The song, from the previous post. As well as the song "Hole In The Floor Of Heaven"

I cant listen to that song. At all. Its not an option. But thats for another entry. 

I miss my Maurel. My Pinky 

(Oh, the nickname pinky came from an argument him, Josh and I had about Pinky and the Brain. it just seemed to fitting to name this 6'7 dark chocolate straight from africa boy, Pinky lol)

My Best Friend, My Personal Psychologist, My Son. 

My Guardian Angel. 

I Love You Pinky

RIP <3