2011

Im sure every blogger in the world has a New Year post. Well, it just needs to be done.
A summery of my New Year: Spent the night in Baltimore with my dear boyfriend, has father and that side of his family. It was fun. Watched Lockdown (not a movie i want to ever watch again lol talk about a gory, bloody, porno.... just watch it, you'll see what i mean lol) set off fireworks and drank sparkling cider. It was fun.

Steven and I? Woo.. the boy rubs me the wrong way sometimes. Ruffles my feathers something fierce. Especially when it comes to his mother (his demand to have and do things his way in general). Im sorry, but its not my job to apologize to HIS mother for something SHE did. Its not my job to fix it. SHE blasted me on Fb. SHE deleted me as a friend. SHE said i was unwelcome in her house. IMO (as well as the opinion of my mother, father and Aunt) I havent done anything wrong. So DUH im not going to apologize. Who in their right mind does that? I am NOT a pushover and sometimes i really feel like thats what he wants out of me. Some perfect little stepford girlfriend and I just look at him some days like... i could could just slap you right now. Who apologizes for something they didnt do? No.

Do I ever expect his mother to apologize? No, I dont. That would be unreasonable. Because she thinks she is justified in the way she feels as well. Thats fine, whatever. But because I was the one attacked, Im certainly not going to be the one to put the olive branch out there. Can I be to blame for the guard? How is it that he is pissed off at me because I keep my guard up? I was more then pleasant and respectful  to her when she allowed me to stay for dinner, even asked at one point if i could help make the dinner. I thanked her graciously and complimented her cooking. She responded with the olive branch. Awesome. Wonderful. Hopefully we can take some steps forward. But should i let my guard down immediately? No. That too, would be unreasonable.

He says he expected us to make nice on our own (*blank stare*)....... and why would you ever think that? Huh?
He says he didnt want us to make nice because of him (*blank stare*)...... why would we give two shits about each other if it werent for you? If you didnt care about us getting along, why would we ever make the effort to do so? Even if both of us completely got over past abrasions and we dont harbor ill feelings, its not like we would have seeked each other out and been all "im sorry, lets me friends" bla bla bla.

When have you ever seen that happen in the human race? That would be like Delayne and I being best friends in the future (LMAO. SIKE to the nth degree). You know its not like I hate her anymore. Its all ok now. I can honestly say if/when i see her again, i wouldnt try to take revenge (took me over a year to get to that point, but hey, im human), But Im not going to seek her out and say hey, Im good now, lets be friends again.. Im just not. Granted, what she did was nearly unforgivable, but still. The same principle applies. If she ever came to me and said lets leave the past in the past... you know, id look at her sideways and wonder what her ulterior motive was, but Id say ok, thats fine. Friends? No... Civil toward each other? Sure.

I was not/am not excited about this year. My 20th on this earth... I just do not feel like it holds a whole lot of major joy. I feel like its going to be a filler year. Just a year full of working to get the things I want. I do, however, think this year is going to decide who stays apart of my life and who doesnt... So it should be very interesting... I definitely feel like something is going to change. I can feel it....