Hold Your Breath, and Jump in

So, tonight is my little psuedo DRs appoint to see if i have a out of my control problem,

or if i am "just plane fucked up"

lol

Have no idea what to expect when talking to this lady. No idea what kind of approach shes going to take.

Mom thinks I have a spirit attached to me and thats why my paranoia and anxieties are so bad

I think (hope, plead, PRAY)

that is not the case.

I would be more relieved to know that my brain is just all kinds of fucked up and that if it gets to bad it can maybe be fixed with therapy and meds

God help me if its like.. some spirit thing attached to my energy field (as mom puts it) 

I told Brian about the appointment

so then he wanted to know what was wrong. 

So i had to explain to him that it was anything really wrong

not anything wrong that he'd be able to see anyway. 

I told him before that there are a lot of things that he doesnt know about me

That no one knows about me.

Ive only really ever told Mom and Steven

And even they dont know all of it. 

And im not so hesitant to tell him...

I just dont know how much to tell him

I dont think he'd like me any less,

I just dont want my past to make him like.... hover

and try to be over protective about my mental stability.

I really am very strong minded. Not a whole lot effects me

It takes a lot to shake my world 

I dont want him, or anyone to think that I am not strong enough to handle things.

I dont want him or anyone to think that they cant confide in me... cause they think they weight may break me

smh

No one knows half the secrets I carry around.

Half the things I will take to my grave and never tell a soul. 

Not even the man I decide to marry

So i guess if he really wants to know, I will tell him.

I mean, whats the worst that can happen?

He'll call me crazy and leave my life.

Like I Havent already felt that sting before. 

So just hold your breath, and jump in