Double Edged Sword

So, my relationship.. if you can call it that, I think is officially over in my head.

Obviously, cause he is blind, he doesnt see the same thing i see,

nor does he feel the way I feel.

I mean, take one look at my FB page and how hes all over it

and how hes all like

"Love you baby! Hope you have a great day!"

.........

I have not even reached the I-Like-You-Again stage. 

Let alone the lets-be-cute-and-write-on-each-others-walls stage

No. 

lol

Am I a terrible person? Possibly

I want to see if I can like him again. 

But, after talking to my mom,

Maybe I should just stop lol

She is right. 

Sometimes, once the spark is gone and someone dumped water on the wicker

the candle just wont light again. 

So why keep the candle around collecting dust?
I know he is trying to get the spark back...
But my heart no longer belongs to him.
The once open and on my sleeve as far as hes concerned beating muscle
is closed again. Cased over in ice. And his feeble attempts to chip at it, are annoying.

Do I want to break up with him? Yea. Im done. I cant even stand the sight of his name coming across my phone. 

But for some reason, I just cant bring myself to do it. 

Mom keeps asking me why Im scared...

And I dont know. I mean, i know for a fact that he would never ever put his hands on me or anything like that. 

I just am scared to. 

Its really hard for me to hurt people like that. And I know he'll be devastated. 

But you have dreams of me poppin out twins with half of your DNA

Come back to reality hon. 

And its like, havent you noticed my lack of wanting to talk to you?

I told you twice that I dont want to talk to you on the phone. 

my clipped answer during texts arent enough? 

It would almost be easier if he thought i cheated on him.

But I am way too good for that. 

Never understood the need to creep. 

If Im sooo good that I can get any man I want, 

And clearly the first man is not doing everything I need.

I say On To The Next One. 

Why Cheat? 

It just complicates everything. 

Now to figure out how to nicely make the first one move on... huh