It would be now...
However, contrary to previous posts, I do not believe feelings are over rated. At least not in this case.
Recently ive noticed a trend. Again. I seem to go through this once a year. . the trend of guy friends confessing their feelings. Or, I just know they have feelings from previous conversations and current actions.
I just dont understand them sometimes. How can you have feelings for someone who has never confessed feelings for you?
I love my guy friends, I do. Its just SO hard to look at them and know that somewhere in there and behind that facade, they are wishing i was their girlfriend.
It has to hurt them... being around an object of their affection and not getting the kind of affection they want in return...
Its hurts me... to know that i wont ever return it the way they want me to.
It blows my mind, that these guys with these seemingly undying emotions still even want to be my friend. Wouldnt most people, out of self preservation, push me away? And while i am blown by this concept of stick around to keep your hand in the same hot fire... I am also greatful. Because i do love my guy friends. I have a grand total of 3 girlfriends that i can just kick it with. But my guy friends are who i really run with. So i love that they can (most of the time) push their feelings aside and just be chill with me...
Until they feel the need to confess the way they feel... Then it makes it awkward for me cause i know they think if they tell me how they've always felt, I will respond with some deep rooted feelings ive always been hiding...........which is never the case. I am about as honest as it gets with the way i act. If i like you... you'll know. If im attracted to you...you'll know. If i just wanna be friends...you'll know that too. If i have feelings... you'll know. Im a TERRIBLE liar and my emotions are written all over my face. I really not hard to read if you know me.
So if you're looking in my eyes for some sign of the same undying love you've kept harbored for me and you dont see it.... it cause its not there... We're not in a romance novel. Sorry guys.
And whats worse... its not just one guy friend. Its not like its just the one dude i usually kick it with... oh no. of course not. That would be tolerable. No. its ALL OF THEM. and im like... fuck.
Isnt there some sort of quota? Some stopping point of how many hearts a girl can steal? Theres got to be a limit.
I cant keep filtering all these peoples emotions. Its wearing me down.
It causes me to walk on egg shells cause i wanna chill with these people and have everything go back to normal, but it never will.
smh...
You know... girls would KILL to get the kind of attention i get. Shit, they can have it. I can honestly sit back and say, that in the year of 2011 alone (and mind you its not even august yet), I have either become aware of, or already knew about 6 possibly 7 dudes that have feelings for me.
That shit is crazy... How many girls get that much attention?
Honestly... I dont want it. I cant possibly return that love, even if i wanted to.
What do i do with it? What do i do knowing that the guys im closest to, the guys i trust the most... have feelings for me? What do i do know that i do not return that love?
I really dont know. Part of me thinks i should push them all away. Make them get over the feelings. Make them not like or love me...
and yet, that hurts me too. Cause then i lose my best friends...
Damn this double edge sword...
