Its so Loud, Inside my head...

I wish the outside world could hear me screaming inside my head.

I wish i could say the words ive kept in for so long

I wish they would stop coming out in my dreams

My teeth keep falling out...

Yea...

I know it means i need to express something thats heavy on my mind. 

But i cant. 

Wont. 

She wouldnt hear me, even if i did. 

She would just remind me of everything ive ever done since the day i was born

despite the fact that i didnt ask to be born, so technically, everything is her fault. 

I was a accident baby anyway

so its really all her fault. 

"Its so loud, inside my head, with words that i should of said...as i drown in my regrets...i cant take back...the words i never said..."

Keeping my mouth shut is starting to crush me...

Its starting to become unbearable...

I dont want to feel like this about my own mother...

But im just tired. 

Im tired

"Im so tired of being alone inside my head

begging to share these words so long unsaid

As i write it down on paper, i hope one day they will be read

until that day i shall lie here and cry alone in my bed"

Now i mean, yea, kids are supposed to help their parents out and parents are supposed to teach us responsiblity

but that doesnt include taking care of a child thats not mine almost everyday, nearly all day long (unless i leave, thus forcing you to watch your own kid)

nor does that include giving up all these weekend to put hella fucking work into a house im not going to live in...

but hold up...

Just heard my friend was in a car accident... and hes touch and go in the hospital....

all my problems seem so....minor. 

I love you Niko. 

Please be ok. 

Or at the very least...feel no pain...

smh... my lil brother being in his car accident was bad enough. He was just banged up... nothing life threatening. 

thats scary enough. 

Niko... hes in shock trauma...

im done here...