Feelin like a princess?

It is common Knowledge... that every girl believes in fairy tales

Or, at least, I still do

I refuse to let go of my simple dreams

I still believe in my Knight In Shinning Armor

I think... my security issues play a part with this

As much as I want to be able to defend and protect myself, and even as i take precautions to do so

I like the idea of being protected. 

Feeling Safe. 

Feeling Loved

So. Since a Knight In Shining Armor no longer exsists

Maybe, a Soldier in Cammies will be the modern day replacement. 

Mmm, IDK. 

Because then what happens when he isnt around to protect me?

I mean, yea, I know, hes out there protecting us all...

But i never was good at sharing

Im kind of selfish.

Ah well.

Ive got my second appointment with Vanessa today. 

I think. She hasnt said anything to me since our last appointment,

so i hope we are still on. 

Im interested to see what she has to pull out of me

Gonna try to take notes.

May be harder than I expect

or maybe not. 

Mm

No se

"Dont Call me No More and Dont Text me No More"

lmao

Because, he gets on my damn nerves

Like

Who clings to the person that hurt them most when their in FL.

Hello?

You're in FL

Go have a life

stop talking to me lol

Anyway..

Another fantastic night out with Jaanu. 

And his 2 friends

Tre and.... Stefanie? 

Yea, that was her name

.....

Anyway, walked ALL the way around Arundal Mills mall,

Just because, 

then sat down for some dinner. Always very.... interesting conversation. 

I want Tre's knife. 

Just sayin. 

Then Dave and Busters

Yes, again

I love that place. 

Werent able to stay very long (ive got to get out from under this damn curfew)

Thats ok. Got to play Ghost Squad. thats what matters lol

So, I got into an interesting conversation with Steven. 

Talking about whether or not he was a Hopeless Romantic (he totally is)

And as i was telling him what a hopeless romantic was

Im sitting back like... I have got to be the biggest hopeless romantic of them all

I think any girl is a HR

Any girl thats seen the movies and/or read the books...

We all, especially me

crave all the silly little things.

A kiss in the rain <3

The rose petals leading to and on the bed <3

Candle lit baths <3 

Walks, hand in hand, on the beach, at sunrise/set, with the water lapping over our feet <3

Simple walks in a nice park <3

Pick-nicks in the park, or even in the woods <3

 Even simple things like chivalry. 

When he holds the door <3

Pulls her chair out <3

Takes her coat <3

Calls her beautiful (not hot. i hate that. Sexy is acceptable when appropriate) 

Nice dinners <3 either out or in. 

I mean, what more can a girl ask for? I mean seriously. 

Oh, and if he sings. 

He doesnt have to be the best singer, he can be flat and/or off key

Just the attempt to sing to or with me

has got to be the most adorable thing in the world

And of course, the icing ontop of the gag-me-now-its-too-sweet-cake

Go to a carnival/fair/theme park, and win her some stupid stuffed animal at some God-forsaken game <3

It means nothing to the guy, and the animal itself might not mean a whole lot to the girl, but its the sentiment. 

*sigh* now im feeling all mushy

Because there is a reason we are titled "Hopeless Romantics"

we dream and fantasize about these wonderful things...

but reality is harsh...

Or maybe im just cynical

But it is a hopeless fantasy. 

Nada Mucho

I think i shall retire now. 

Sleep and dream of the perfect day/evening/night 

In perfect detail. 

"Shawdy get down, get down"

"No Diggity"

hehe, throw back. Love that song

So, my appointment with Ms. Vanessa went well last night

She seems very nice and very easy to talk to. Next session is on Saturday.

Gonna try this Therapy/Life Coaching thing out

Maybe I can finally get some peace of mind

I really want a blue nose pit bull

Beautiful dogs

With the blue ish eyes

Omgoodness, I want one so friggin bad.

IDC if my dad never visits me. His problem. 

I want that breed of dog. 

Those dogs have a bad rep because people gave them one. 

How would we as humans feel, if we took an entire race (breed) of human and just said they werent good enough? Or werent worthy of love? Or couldnt do anything, or be trusted because of their past? 

(OH WAIT. WE HAVE)

Whatever. Point being, If i get the dog as a little puppy and raise it the right way with lots of love and tenderness, just like it was my own child,

It will be just fine. 

Am i fully aware of what it is capable of?

Duh

Anyyyywhooooo

Going to the Wizards game on Saturday. I is excited. Not that i follow basket ball like that, but physically going to any sporting event is fun. Spending a ridiculous amount of money on normal fun, i all part of the experience. 

Takin my LilBig Brother with me, so it should deff be an interesting night :) lol

One ofus  might end up under the metro

but hey, thats sibling rivalry for ya! 

lol

Love my Isiah :)

We will be the death of eachother, but... we will enjoy every moment of the dying

(i really think i am masochistic lmao) 

Hold Your Breath, and Jump in

So, tonight is my little psuedo DRs appoint to see if i have a out of my control problem,

or if i am "just plane fucked up"

lol

Have no idea what to expect when talking to this lady. No idea what kind of approach shes going to take.

Mom thinks I have a spirit attached to me and thats why my paranoia and anxieties are so bad

I think (hope, plead, PRAY)

that is not the case.

I would be more relieved to know that my brain is just all kinds of fucked up and that if it gets to bad it can maybe be fixed with therapy and meds

God help me if its like.. some spirit thing attached to my energy field (as mom puts it) 

I told Brian about the appointment

so then he wanted to know what was wrong. 

So i had to explain to him that it was anything really wrong

not anything wrong that he'd be able to see anyway. 

I told him before that there are a lot of things that he doesnt know about me

That no one knows about me.

Ive only really ever told Mom and Steven

And even they dont know all of it. 

And im not so hesitant to tell him...

I just dont know how much to tell him

I dont think he'd like me any less,

I just dont want my past to make him like.... hover

and try to be over protective about my mental stability.

I really am very strong minded. Not a whole lot effects me

It takes a lot to shake my world 

I dont want him, or anyone to think that I am not strong enough to handle things.

I dont want him or anyone to think that they cant confide in me... cause they think they weight may break me

smh

No one knows half the secrets I carry around.

Half the things I will take to my grave and never tell a soul. 

Not even the man I decide to marry

So i guess if he really wants to know, I will tell him.

I mean, whats the worst that can happen?

He'll call me crazy and leave my life.

Like I Havent already felt that sting before. 

So just hold your breath, and jump in

"She said Look Ma, no Hands"

Another blog that has not a thing to do with the title :)

I am in a ridiculously giddy mood and I dont have the faintest clue why..

I think my mom made special pound cake lmao

hahahahaha

So, I really have no idea why I am so happy. I guess a 3 day weekend that was every ounce of amazing and still not having to get up early for work tomorrow morning may have something to do with it

No se

I am just totally in love with life. 

For now lol

watch someone piss me off this week and im back to my cynical self

Or, maybe, ill just pray the sun shines on them and keep it movin

LORD KNOWS I WISH THE SUN WOULD LITERALLY SHINE ON ME

I think i am done with the winter and the "freezing rain" currently coming down outside my window

So i think ima blast some WALE (Keep sayin wale but his names WAH_LAY) 

lol

ok, im done. 

Baby Names lol

No. Im not pregnant

I have just been thinking about baby names cause, im weird.

I love the Girl names:

Rhea

Raili (Ray-li)

Ryslynn (Rise-lyn)

Imani (EE-Mah-Ni)

Boys Names:

Caiden Michael 

Aiden

Wyatt

Julias Xavier 

I dont feel the need to think about more than four names per sex.. cause i dont plan on having more than 3 kids. Preferably 1 girl and the rest boys. 

Or, even better. Get pregnant one time, have twins,

and never get pregnant again. 

And adopt the other baby. Maybe 2. 

Cause even though 3 is the half of Evil, 4 is an even number. So it may need to be four depending on how bad my OCD has gotten by that time lol

The Opposite of Pessimism.

Is Optimism! 

Yes, im feeling quite optimistic after a fabulous weekend with some of my favorite people

Of course, every day i talk to Brian, who makes every day worth getting up for. 

I love hearing from him and knowing I am doing some part to bring some sun to the Hell he is in. 

But Saturday i went out running errands with Brian's mother, Mommy-o and his niece Chloe. 

Always fun. I got a few little things to send over there to him. 

Chloe is very cute and I love spending time with Mommy-o

After i came home, I sat and had a splendid random conversation with my mother,

while waiting for Isiah to come pick me up. 

Siah and I went to Applebyes and watch the Ravens game.

Shame, that they lost to the Steelers lol 

Then we went to Dave and Busters with the intention of chillin and watching the Falcons game

but we ended up buying a token card and got lost in all the games. 

Shames to say he pretty much kicked my ass in everything but the Jurassic Park game

But... I am the Queen of that game

Quite possibly and simply because I am a trigger happy psycho

:D

haha, the Falcons lost their game too. I was sad cause i was hoping they would win. Oh well. 

THEN-

On Sunday I spent the day with my beloved Jaanu
We went into DC and walked around the Smithsonian

We visited this one museum with all the ancient like, Japanese, Chinese, Egiptian, Iran and Afganistan artifacts and art work from WAAAY back when. I forget exactly what it was called. But it was very interesting.

Found some very beautiful things in there. 

And i found it amazing, how these ancient empires could make all these beautifully detailed pieces of work... but as you got further and further west and later and later in time.. you see the effort die, there was no long the detail and effort. 

Then we went to the Air and Space Museum

I love that place, its friggin Amazing. 

One, i just love looking at all the planes, especially the war planes and everything. 

I loved reading about the different wars we fought and how the planes played a roll 

You learn about more than just planes and how they work in there. 

They actually go through the history of the wars and you learn a lot

They also had a flight simulator which i think had to be the coolest friggin thing ever.  

You had the choice of controlling your "flight" or letting it just go

Well, if you let it just go, its not as fun

Trust me. 

We chose to control our flight. Meaning, we were flying the plane. 

Maybe not the best idea lol

Cause, i love my Jaanu, but he cant fly to save his soul hahaha!

I was the gunner

Cause, again, trigger happy.

My aim has gotten better too though

So they make you lock everything up, you cant take anything in the simulator but the clothes on your back

They buckle you in with two harnesses and say good luck

So basically what happens is you are in a fighter jet, in the middle of a war, and you have to fight off the enemy

Not easy when your plane is upside down almost the whole time lmao

Because Jaanu had the plane upside down pretty much the whole time

Which was the funniest crap i think we have ever done together

And, as we were doing spins and flips in the air, my hair decided to get all in the way and we couldnt see and i had to fight with it to get it to stay out of the way while we were... upside down

It is very disorienting, trying to climb out of the plane after all that lmao

Very, very worth it. Trust me

Then we went to the American Indian museum and watched some Native ladies preform

Then we went to the Art Gallery. 

Made fun of some white people because... you can only paint the same looking white people in the same position so many times. smh, english white people lol

AND THEN

to end a great day on a fantastic note

Olive Garden.

Need I say more? 

No, i didnt think so 

Of course, all that fun didnt come with out a price.

My left knee refuses to like stairs and my right hip just doesnt like me anymore

But i would totally do it all again in a heart beat.

I have these awesome people in my life...

and sometimes i get really mad at one person, or get really down or upset about something and forget about these amazing people.

I have to remember that I do have all this love in my life,

and I have all this love to give

and that these people make me happy. 

So i may always harbor cynicism 

But i shall try to be more optimistic

Because, you feel better, when you are happy 

:)

Now if i could just get the sun to come out and for spring to get here, life would be perfect lol